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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

whyy helloooo there to anybody who's reading this. :)
it's been awhile since my last blogpost and i missed blogging so here i am, going to share my nonsense thoughts once again. :)

everything has been going fine lately, i gots a new boyfriend, been out with school friends alot and uhmm ofcourse my favorite partttt: drinking! :] lots.
i'm a weakling though, i don't get to drink like hours and hours and bottles and bottles of liqs. :)

ok so as i was saying, i have a new man. (yes he's a man, not a boy.) haha his name is pao. :)
i can say he's nice and what not. haha i won't share everything about him here cos you know you might think i'm bragging sooo my friends like ALDRIC, GAIL, JAYCINTH, LAURENCE ETC know about my boyfran and basicly my misadventures haha!! :] by the way, he's fuuuunn. :)

so anyway i've been talking alot to the point that i don't make sense anymore oh my god specially last night? i spilled how many bf's i had. ..specially how many times i had sex with diffrent people and shit. haha okay not telling in here. :) i guess it's fine though? :) i think they can be trusted with that. :) they're myyyy buddies oh yea. :)

hmmm what annoys me, what annoys me.. AHH!! :]
everything basicly annoys me lately.. from my boyfran texting all delayyyed, me not getting the candy i want. i know that's kinda shallow but whatever. hmm the heat also annoys me, my hair as well.. exes as well.. hmmm let me think.. oh, NAGGING FAMILY MEMBER. BARKING DOGS, MY KITTY SUCKING MY SHIRT COS SHE THINKS I HAVE A NIPPLE ON THAT DAMN AREA. she prolly thinks im her mom. what a sweet turd aye? :)

hahah in addition.. i feel kinda shy for myself oh my gosh i just wanna tape my mouth and quit talking like dfjhjkhjkw when im kinda tipsy! :D but anyways, i promise to myself it wont happen again cos you know those experiences i had aren't really meant for the public and friends specially if you guys are just out drinking. i guess it's kinda ok as well, well, a bit. err... cos i was the only girl and kinda.. we kindaaaa needed a topic cos my boy friends were actually looking for partners and such. errr.. ya know, i don't want people thinking im all head inflated hydrocephalic fat kitty. haha! :]

fyi, i love my friends so much. :)

hmmm soo i guess that's just it for today.
more entires coming cos i'm kinda lazy now.
prolly having the urge to smoke a joint, nope im just kidding. im just gonna smoke a cig. :)
im kinda drooly now.

sooo..
tata!!! :]

@ 1:50 AM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

why hellooooo to anybody who's reading this. :]
i haven't updated my itty bitty blog for like i don't know how long.

anywho, i've been doing great lately with the people i am round with. they're so fun to be with they make me smile like slimer from the ghost busters.

let me see, what's new with me? ah. :] there's kindof a miracle going on with me. i've been reallyyyy really been serious about my studies like okay i've been doing my homeworks and such, i don't really skip classes anymore and mossstt of all I LIKE MY COURSE. no wait, SCRATCH THAT, I LOVEEEE MY COURSE. (i still miss fashion design though so im gonna go back and take up my remaining sessions this semestral break. :]) the people in my course aswell, ofcourse i like them. aww. :] oh and the archi people they're so nice hehe i love them! :]
sooo in additional,
i don't get so emotional anymore and i've been learning to live life like how it is. i've been loving my friends more to the point that they're kindof like my new boyfriend already. i can't lose them oh my god i'll die if ever i do. :(

hmmm what else? i'm lazy typing. i'm sleepy. hmm.

NIKI'S COMING BACK TO THE PHILIPPINES and that surely made me wiggle. im so happyyy and excited. NIKIIII BOYYY MEHHHN I MISS YOUUU, LET'S GET FUCKED UP WHEN YOU ARRIVE YAHHH? :] yay.

okay. :]

to anybody who's shit talking about me, would it get you anywhere? maybe it would make you feel happy but hell that's so gonna be shallow and i think it's definitely called obsession. talking about someone alot and such eh? :) why not get a life like going out with your friends that maybe you're been shit talking about too. :D i swear it's gonna be fun if you get a life. i mean if you would try to get a life but i don't think you're gonna succeed though cause i guess you wouldn't have it. you're that pathetic to shit talk about people you barely know about. :]] that just proves you don't have a life. muah.

sleepy timeeeee. :x

@ 3:17 AM

Monday, June 15, 2009

so the past few months/days were fine until i went out with my friends and my boyfriend for the 75387th time. i had this weird feeling cos of the heat. i got annoyed, bitched at my boyfriend cos i felt ugly.

i feel depressed... because.... i think no matter what i do to myself i just remain ugly. i hate my face, my eyebrows, my teeth, my body, my skin.. basicly everything about me and no, i am not fishing for compliments. people tell me that i'm pretty but no matter how many times they say it and how many of them tell me that i am, the "ang ganda mo" doesn't have an effect on me.

this is a stupid confession honestly and only 2 people know about it. honestly, i am scared of being alone. i am scared that if i have a boyfriend they'd just leave me for somebody better looking than i am. i can't help the fact that i have to be so insecure to the point that i'd just lock myself in my room and cry infront of the mirror cos of the way i look. i've been starving myself for quite some time just to look better but still... nothing changed about my perception of how i look. :]
i get hotheaded when my hair, my make-up and my clothes don't look good. specially when my hair just get ruined, or my makeup smudges. when my clothes are worn out, when i sweat, when i take a long walk. i get that feeling that i don't want to face people anymore, even myself...in the mirror. :] i feel that i become unwanted by the person i like when i don't look good. i feel like im just too fat and ugly that's why my exes left me. that sentence i kept on getting during my younger days "ay pangit!", i guess that just made a huge mark in me. self esteem went down even more when the boy i loveD actually told me that i'm really ugly, and no matter what i do i'd still look like a monster. i fix myself for 2 hours but still.. i don't feel good about myself. i don't have that feeling of contentment after i fix myself and put my make-up on. i feel obese, i feel dark, i feel flaws are eating me up and this makes me want to just choke myself. i grew up comparing my looks to other people and just get sad. in school, i fix myself infront of the mirror with them college girls and i can't help but just look at them then look back at myself and say "you are ugly, mady." i just can't help the fact that i always i mean ALWAYS have that urge to look good and if i fail, i cry. i get scared and annoyed of my own face and when it happens.. which is quite alot, i get grumpy. extremely grumpy.

i admit that i am the most jealous girl you'll ever meet. i am SERIOUSLY AND HONESTLY not like those girls who actually ruin and shit talk the person they're jealous of.

i know this blogpost might be abit stupid and ofcourse you'd say IT'S VANITY.

hey, this post is about the feeling i've been fighting for years. if you say this post is cool and it's 100% vanity, fuck off. vanity isn't cool, it kills and eats you up alive. you could get killed by your insecurities and that feeling you get when you just want to be perfect.

then again, this is not a post of being cool/acting all cool. if you say im vain and think it's cool? it's not. it's actually a chaos in myself that i can't even fight. a feeling that's so horrible you just want to hide yourself to a place where nobody could ever see you again.. the feeling i get is really horrible. you don't know how hard it is to deal with.

vanity isn't only about perfection and being cool..
vanity WAS NEVER and will NEVER BE cool, kids.

goodnight.
im done sharing my thoughts.

xo

Labels: blah

@ 8:55 AM

Saturday, April 4, 2009

nevermind the shoutout.

anyways, hello. i am bored and tired. been sitting for a couple of hours just talking to my friend aly (skating buddy way back when i was 15.] and some nice peeps. :)

anyyywaayyyss..

don't you think it's abit funny when you treat the people who were once a huge part of your life in a verrryyyyy verrryyyy MEAN and asshole-ish way? like come ooonnn give a little respect, don't hurt them, don't make fun of them. honesty is the best gift for me i believe? :] uhuh. mostly! nobody has the right to play and fuck with anybody's emotions, you'll never knooowww they might be the people who truly love you. ;p so yea.. nobody has the right EVER to treat people like dirt speshleh eeefff they just care, too much. too much for your brain ta handle. *giggles*

shooting star, shooting star.. whoever gets hit, pleez don't get mad. :3

i missed seed, i was talking to her awhile ago but she just went byebye like a bubble.
i remember her and i talking about boys, CLASSY BOYS like they really make our undies fall down from behind. :))

we want it this way when they're hella mad :

"woman, you're making me mad." aaaaawww! O_O omg. seed where are you please go online? :[
or "woman, you're making ears let out jet black smoke." O___O

haha i think boys from the 19th century are sexay. the way they talk i mean it's so full of deep words, specially sweet ones. :] i like sweet words and i enjoy saying it specially to the person i lurve. [i don't know alot of extremely deep words though but i think when someone's gonna call me "woman" it would make my heart go BAM!! BAAMM!! FUCKING BAAAMM BITCH!!].. ;p

i wanna get called "woman", not "babae", "pokpok" or "puta." no waaayyy hosaaayyy. ;p

credits to seed tho cos she's deffo more obssessed. :x

*bells* :3

so you seeeee,

i have my period right now and no it doesn't hurt nemore. :]

i really wanna sleep but mehhh, i can't. something's extremely bugging my head. in short, i am disturbed. go awaaaaayyy mean thoughts i want happy thoughts really pleeezzz give et to me NOW!!!! O_O

:3 gnyt, not really. im just gonna publish this then voila im gonna go back to aly and i's chat window. :]

adiooos. ^_^

@ 8:11 AM

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

asshole

@ 2:49 AM

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

KAY. :]

im getting massive headaches.
extremeeee moodswings.
omg. im gonna die. kidding.

alot of things annoy me these days. the heat, people, stupid people. hahahahaha! :D
some things make me sad aswell. i don't wanna talk about it cos i don't wanna look stupid and cheap. :D

so yea..
been bored, been tired, been all stressed out, been all sad and pissed in a vurreh hidden way.

kapeesh. i watched bolt, it's so cute. wasnt able to finish the whole movie though, the disc fucked up and it made me sad.

i miss alot of people.

randomness kicks in.

i don't really like getting left behind.

i'm scared of getting EXTREMELY depressed in the future. i've been thinking alot about things i have or going to do. some situations are really hard to decide on hahaha dont you think it's fun? :))
alot of things tire me haha but i always end up doing the same shit all over again anyway. :))
i overthink shit, it leads me to depression and i think that sucks. from now on im gonna stop overthinking, im just gonna drink a cup of coffee and light a cig while sitting infront of the computer. good times.

grammatical errors much? im sleepy so i guess im gonna go to bed. maybe not, can't sleep.

goodnight though.

@ 6:50 AM

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

oh looky. :3
i found this pic on the internet, it was just black and white though.
i was bored so i thought i'd be a 5 year old even for a few minutes. :D

i colored it using photoshop. uhm dont mind the fekkin cuhlers. i like baby colors. :[

@ 3:51 AM

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